25 Random Things I Have Learned about Swimming

1. I’m pretty sure the reason I don’t need to use whitening tooth paste is because of the chemicals in the pool water.

2. I’m pretty sure the reason why Mr. Coach’s Max VO2 has dropped is because of the chemicals in the pool air.

3. A tough track workout makes you feel jack-hammered. A tough swimming workout makes you feel steam-rollered.

4. The lack of gravity-based pounding gives swimmers an undue sense of immortality.

5. There are more nerds and flakes per capita in swimming than in any other sport.

6. If you learn how to do the butterfly at a young age, it’s like riding a bike – you’ll never forget how. If you try to learn as an adult, it’ll be paint-by-numbers at best.

7. All the rule changes in breaststroke technique need to stop until I can do it.

8. Humming in order to learn how to not snork up water during a flip turn is an urban myth.

9. The wiggle-butt off the wall is the funnest thing about swimming.

10. Swimmers are more comfortable with nudity than they perhaps should be.

11. Being able to figure out splits in your head does not translate into marketable math skills.

12. You can’t completely zone out during a swim workout because then you lose track of where you are.

13. The day after doing yoga, you definitely take fewer strokes per lap.

14. Men cannot resist the urge to try and keep up with a woman.

15. A new swimsuit takes 10 years off how old you feel.

16. Yoshi is a freak of nature but we all respect and admire him for it because he clearly isn’t one of those "get a life" masters.

17. All 8-year-olds will tell you they’re going to the Olympics.

18. When their parents tell you the same thing, then you know the kid will be done with swimming by age 13.

19. Boys’ 8-and-under butterfly is comedy gold.

20. The best swim parents don’t know what their kids’ PRs are.

21. Some of the best swim parents are Australian: They won’t even cheer for their own kids in public because of TPS (Tall Poppy Syndrome: "tall poppies are made to be cut down").

22. Swimming will never get as much media attention (or the kind of media attention) it thinks it deserves.

23. But swim meets would definitely be more interesting for the inexperienced spectator if it borrowed some ideas from ice hockey – specifically, enforcers and relay power plays.

24. Swimmers who studied dance or the martial arts as kids generally take corrections better than those who didn’t.

25. It never gets easier to get in.